Sleepy but A Lot On My Mind

I’m meant to be sleeping right now as I have a meeting this morning. I did go to bed early and actually fell asleep, which was good, except when I woke up around 1:15. I am wide awake and have a lot running through my mind at the minute.

Mainly, things coming up but one of those things is a new dog. The waiting game is tough for everyone and I know most people have to play it between guide dogs, but finding the not knowing when so hard right now. If I’m honest, as much as I think our way of matching is excellent, waiting for the right match is a hard pill to swallow.

Don’t get me wrong, I know it has to be a good match and I’m all for the matching system we have here in the Uk, but missing having a four legged guide.

I have a crazy few weeks coming up, and I won’t deny the mobility is heavily on my mind at the moment, which makes the desire for a dog that much greater.

I hear people tell me, you’re a good cane user, you shouldn’t be bothered and you can get on just fine without a pooch but the truth is, I like trusting an animal to help me get around. I like not having to constantly think like I do when using the cane. I just prefer a dog.

It’s looking more likely that guide number two won’t appear until 2014 now. I just hope it’s at the beginning of the year, at least the first half of it.

I’m also thinking that I hope my commitment to the things I’m signing myself up for are good for me and I can dedicate myself to them.

Moving out is also heavily on my mind. I know, without a job, it’d be hard but I’m desperate to have my own little place. I love my family but feel the need to spread my wings.

Who knows what next year will bring? I just hope the next six weeks are positive ones and if so, they lead to more positive things for the new year. I’ll put my all in but I just ask for a bit of a chance.

I need to build my skills up and that is something I’ll be discussing in a few hours. I think I know what they are. I just feel so inferior to people even younger than me. My experience with work is so limited, if not non existent and it is making me feel so much like a third class citizen.

Please, everyone fingers tightly crossed.

Hugs,

MJ

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Keeping my fingers firmly crossed that you get all the chances & opportunities you so richly deserve & have earned hon. I totally understand your feelings & doubts as I have many similar ones too, but please believe me when I say that you are amazing, inspiring & hugely talented. You also have the ability, determination & support from people who love you dearly to achieve & succeed in anything you set your heart, mind & belief to. Remember: Dream, Believe, Acheive!

    I really hope that you can get your new guide dog soon, as you say it’s a double edged sword that the matching system is so stringent. But it will be worth the wait & your new pup will be another step on the many paths forward you’re taking. I’m so proud of you Marie, take care, stay strong & go grab those dreams you have – knowing your Twitter Sisters will be behind you & cheering you on all the way!

    Good luck today & always,

    Hugs, Johanna x

  2. I just feel so inferior to people even younger than me. My experience with work is so limited, if not non existent and it is making me feel so much like a third class citizen.”

    I can so relate to the above right now. I think many of us blind people do not go through some rites of passage quite the same way as our sighted peers. So inevitably at some point we feel a bit left behind or surpassed or as you said inferior.

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