If Guide Dogs had a union rep, this would be my letter to them.
Dear Mr Union Rep,
I’m a nine year old Guide Dog named Bailey and I am writing to you to explain my disgruntledness toward my owner. Sure, she feeds me, [not regularly enough In my opinion], she brushes me, takes me to the toilet, walks me, [sometimes too much and to places I don’t like], and she plays with me and loves me. But there are several things i’d like to change.
- I need pigs ears at least 3 times a week. None of this cods wallop that “Bailey you need to stay slim”. I work hard and deserve more than one pigs ear every two weeks. A boy puts on a little weight over Christmas and all of a sudden he’s on a starvation trial.
- Carrots on a weekend is not good enough. What happened to my five a day? Apples should be included to.
- Making me work in the rain should be illegal! It’s mean! I get wet and cold and I’m not even allowed to wear a coat.
- I should have toys all over the house. Who cares about it being tidy? I don’t! Why the heck she bought a toy box I’ll never know.
- When I’m naughty, I shouldn’t be punished. Putting me back on my lead when I didn’t come back on recall is not fair. There was sniffs and I must sniff when there are sniffs. Don’t you understand? I’m a dog, we sniff!
- While we’re on the subject of sniffing, I shouldn’t be told off if I sniff something in harness. Again, dog… sniffing… that’s what we do!
- When she says we’re going somewhere, can she make it straight away? I’m busy. I need to make room in my busy schedule of sleeping and barking for her, I haven’t got time to wait around while she sorts her life out.
- I think horses should be banned! She comes home stinking of them and won’t even let me eat horse pooh. How wrong is that?
- When people want to feed me or stroke me, she should let me. Right? Right?
- And finally, as I feel the need for a snooze right about now, could she not kiss me in public. I’m almost 9 for goodness sake and someone might be watching.
The hardest working Guide Dog in……