I’ve been fighting a virus of some sort the past few weeks. I’ve felt sluggish and just tired and completely off centre. It all came to a head last week when it hit my chest thus causing a chest infection. Anyone who is asthmatic does not need me to explain how bad that is. A chest infection will knock the healthiest person into the middle of next week but asthmatics get it a whole lot worse.
Needless to say, I’ve been feeling mighty sorry for myself. Fever coupled with not being able to breathe well and not being able to get out the same has really dampened my new positive mood of 2013.
Took Bails for his six month check up last Monday and he’s over his usual weight which I can’t say I’m too surprised considering the bad weather of late but it still worries me and not to mention the fact he has a lip fold infection which he’s on antibiotics for to. So the pup and I are both sickly creatures at the moment. Not being able to work or free run him has really bothered me when I know I need to be shifting his weight and being trapped indoors is never my idea of fun.
I’m also at the point now of being very lost, confused and so unsure what to do. My entire dreams depend on the fact of earning money yet with continued changes and my lack of experience means that’s increasingly hard. People keep saying, well don’t give up, but I really don’t know what else to do at this point. I’m even thinking of quitting lessons for riding. What is the point? I’m clearly no good at it and I feel like I’m just going around in circles. I’ll keep riding in the hacking sense because well the alternative is not worth thinking about but I’ll never be able to own my own horse through lack of experience and finances so I’ll never get to compete or enjoy horse ownership. Sometimes, we need to learn our place in this life and mine is being a damn right loser. Always failing no matter how hard I try.
Can’t blame people for not liking me, I don’t think I’d like me if I were them either. So yep, not healthy in body or mind at the minute.
Hope everyone has a great week.