I know I can moan and whine with the best of them but it’s been a bloody awful week. I had a total melt down last night that even included considering giving up riding. I know! I know! But I was just in a funk and I couldn’t shift it.
Not having work and more to the point, not having money to live independently away from my parents and have my own horses so I can pursue my dreams of competing had really got to me. Had spent all day trying to research if other people had travelled in the job shoes I want to who is also blind but I guess they either came up against it like I have and gave up or they’re keeping very quiet because I found very little.
I love horses and giving up riding is just out of the question. But I’m frustrated with that as I have been talking with some friends about going on a riding holiday with them but am afraid that people wouldn’t be so happy if I showed up and was like, hey, I’m here and they’re like, oh wow, you’re blind well you’re not riding. Similarly, if you tell people beforehand, that can just be as bad. But I don’t want to limit the ladies so I looked at the RDA holidays which appears you can only go on if you’re a member. So that’s another avenue closed off. When looking last night, I’d not heard from the RDA about my application so I decided to email them this morning to check they’d received everything. I got a prompt email to say they had all my up to date info so I guess that’s that until they can offer me a space.
It’s not that I don’t love riding where I do. I absolutely love it and would hopefully still ride there but If I could get in with the RDA, there would be opportunities open to me that a mainstream yard couldn’t offer. Riding holidays for one. one of those holidays includes taking care of a pony for a week. Perfect right?
Anyway, that’s a movement in the right direction and I must continue to be patient.
I also had an incident this week that knocked my confidence. I was walking across the foyer in Asda when I slightly brushed a trolley with my side and this lady suddenly collapsed. I have no idea if me touching the trolley had an impact as the lady was on a stick and told first aiders later she had felt dizzy and there apparently were two trolleys there so I have no clue what happened but I was in shock and felt simply awful not to mention useless.
So was feeling a bit fed up. But slowly feeling more normal. Or as normal as I can at least. 🙂
Hope everyone has a great weekend. Hugs, MJ