10 Reasons I Hate Half Term Holidays

In Britain, we have these very pointless holidays throughout the school year that I swear are designed to annoy the adult population who don’t have kids. Other countries around the world make their miscreant offspring go to school for a full term/semester without a break. And I can hear you kid loving people say, you were a kid once. Yes, tis true, I was incredibly a child once but I was also kept on a tight rein by my mother and other adults in my life so I didn’t annoy the entire world with my annoying ways. I have long since accepted I too was an annoying child and I do agree I probably pissed off a fair few adults in my childhood, but that doesn’t make it big or clever. So here are my 10 reasons I hate half term holidays. 1. Kids are everywhere! And I don’t just mean outside, they are in places kids have no need to be. Starbucks? Do they do a child friendly menu? Hell no, and they better never introduce that! 2. Clothes shops that they are too small to fit into any clothes. Mothers, please do your shopping at a time when your kids are in school or on a weekend when many sensible childless adults avoid the shopping areas as a rule to avoid your loud, naughty bunch of brats! 3. There is no room on the buses/trains/trams. Why do little people take up so much bloody room? 4. Parks are a no go zone! Forget walking your precious pooch or just going for a relaxing walk when there is a half term holiday. You’re likely to be screamed at, or kicked in the head with a flying ball and you’re not even walking through the playground. What’s up with that? 5. Never, I repeat, never try to go to the library if you mean to study during the holidays. Cocky, sex crazed teenagers will be in there breaking the fundamental rule of quiet in a library so forget doing any work in public places during the holidays. I have no problem with children being in a library if they respect other users and are using the library for its actual purpose and not a youth club. 6. Don’t expect to eat out during half term week, especially if you were planning on having a nice catch up with a friend or a business lunch. Cafes, restaurants and even pubs are filled to the brim with screaming babies, out of control toddlers and arsy pubescent teenagers. Your food will take forever and your polite conversation will be drowned out by the kids yelling and banging cutlery at the next table. 7. During the summer half term, want to sit out in the privacy of your own garden and read that nice book? Well, don’t even bother. The kids next door will throw their ball over the fence so many times, knocking over your plants, coffee and eventually smashing your iPad to the ground with their raucous play. 8. Need your weekly shop? Have allotted yourself 30 minutes during your busy week to get those essentials to maintain a healthy diet? Better change that time to 2 hours. With the queues being the least of your worries, you’ll soon find yourself in traffic jams on every isle. Need some chocolate to get you through that final piece of work? Forget going on the confectionary isle, it’s packed with demanding pipsqueaks arguing over the last bag of malteasers. Oh, and watch out, you may get yelled at for running over a itty bitty kid that came flying around the corner at top speed by their irate mother. 9. Got friends with kids? Don’t expect to get a decent conversation out of them during half term. They’re on repeat. “stop that!” “get here” “quit hitting your brother!” “I can’t wait for them to go back to school.” 10. And finally. You can’t even escape in your own home where no kids live. The neighbourhood kids insist on playing right outside your front window or keep bouncing their ball against the of your house or kicking it over the wall repeatedly. and peace? Forget it! No matter how loud your music or television is, the noise of the parents yelling at the kids and the kids yelling at each other, you may as well quit watching that movie now. So those are some of the reasons why I hate half term. Roll on next Monday.

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