Bailey here! Mummy does not know yet that I high jacked her very expensive computer to write to you all. But I’m sick of her telling tales on me and me not getting a say in the matter. She is, after all, just a peasant. Let me explain.
See, my mummy’s friend, Auntie H***** and my Uncle J***** gave me a nickname, one night long ago when we were all together at my Auntie’s house. They said how regal and majestic I looked, because, well I do, so Uncle said I am Lord Bailey. Then he proceeded to do a very terrible impression of what he thinks I would sound like if I could talk. Please, as if I’d sound that silly!
So, I call mummy the peasant as I am the lord. Actually, she should be a lady then seen as we’re partners in crime but anyway, that’s far too much digression for my first post.
I popped along to say hello and thank everyone for reading mummy’s, Auntie Ker’s, and all the other nice bloggers entries on this site. Also, they do a funny thing where they all talk, and talk, and talk about us lovely guide dogs and how well behaved and good guides we are. Except when they don’t and they tell tales on us. So I’m here, and hopefully my other guide dog companions will join me in updating all you lovely readers with our side of the story. Because it is not always our fault if we scavenge or we bark at other doggies. And if the nice people in the supermarkets want to stroke us, I think its funny mummy tells them off. I do try and tell them but they mistake my look of “Oh, please do not touch me, I am a good dog and don’t want a pat at all” with a please, please, please pet me look. I’m not sure how that happens.
Anyway. I’ll give you a little brief about me and recent events. Heehee, time to tell on mummy.
Well, I’ve lived with mummy and my grandma and granddad for nearly six human years. It’s been pretty good. Except they don’t give me their undivided attention all of the time and sometimes I get told to, “Down” or “in your bed Bailey”. What’s a lord got to do for a stroke around here?
But mummy feeds me, [not as much as I’d like}, regularly, and gives me nice treats when I’m good. She sometimes sticks yucky water in my ears which makes me shake my head and shake it out. hahahah. She’s recently started putting these ridiculous things on my paws when we’re going out in the white stuff. I don’t know what that is all about? And then the silly woman put itchy sparkly stuff on my harness. Doesn’t she realise I’m not a Christmas tree?
Christmas, ah, I like that time of year. The humans put a huge stocking on the wall which smells of pigs ear and bones and nice things. I keep checking it, and there’s nothing there. Until one morning and it’s stuffed with ears, bones and other rubbish I cannot eat. Then, there’s nothing again the next morning. It’s bizarre and now the stocking has vanished. It does this every year. So weird, huh?
A few days ago, think mummy said it was Friday, we went to see Auntie and they went to eat food. I don’t mind the place we went as the table is so tall and I have lovely carpet to sleep on while they eat and talk, and talk and talk. And then, we went somewhere else and they drank, and drank and drank. There were funny non human things in this place. Well, they smelt like humans but one had big ears and a bow and one looked like the yellow fruit things mummy has on the fridge. Very strange. But I now know how strange humans can be. So we then left and got a big taxi, although Auntie says they charged us extra because of me. I don’t weigh that much, just 34KG and the nice vet man says that is perfect for me. Cheeky sods. So, we went to Auntie’s house so mummy could have some dinner, [by which time I am sure it was past my dinner time], but I did get to see auntie’s dog who I love although she sniffs my bum far too much. Jeez, why do girl dogs do that so much? Then eventually, me and mummy went home in a smaller car where the man said, “he’s not going to bite me, your dog?” Mummy said no. Seriously, do I look like I eat humans? Lamb and rice is my dinner and I didn’t even look at him all nicely all the ride home. Just stuck my nose in the air and looked out of the window. That’ll teach him.
Think mummy had a few too many, but she managed to take me to the toilet and feed me so it’s OK. we went to bed not long after and so I finally got to nap. She really doesn’t realise how her social life interferes with my sleeping schedule.
The weekend was pretty quiet until she woke me up on the next night to say something about, “Happy new Year,” bla, bla, bla. I looked at her like, it’s just the stupid bangy things you humans set off and an obnoxious sounding clock, don’t worry about it and let me snooze some more.
Today we went for a lovely long walk in the cold sunshine. At least it wasn’t raining and I worked like a really good boy, she even praised me lots today. Wait until tomorrow, maybe I’ll have a sniff at a lamppost, just to keep her on her toes. 😉
Well, I hope you enjoyed reading this and I’ll be back, even if she tries and stops me from telling more tales on her. Have a goodnight and doggy friends, please feel free to highjack your owner’s accounts and dlog. It’s fun.