Lots to Do and Yet Still Missing People

I’ve got lots to plan for in the next few weeks. I’m scared, apprehensive, and yes, excited. I’m anticipating difficult times but hope there’s some enjoyment to be had. I know I sound pessimistic but my own experiences tell me to expect nothing and anything good that happens is a bonus. London aside for a few moments. I had a dream about my friends in California last night a today I’ve felt pretty lonely. Everyone I know have been out to Halloween parties in our local area this weekend and I’ve done nothing remotely Halloween like. I guess, I miss that group of friends I treasure so much in the US. We were always busy, doing something, going somewhere, planning some adventure. I have friends here but it’s not like it was with those guys in the US. I sometimes feel like I’m the spare part, either there to fill in when there’s a place free in a social calendar or an altruistic hit. I guess I don’t feel I’m part of any group here. I’m always looking in from the outside and I’ll never be a part of a group. That’s the difference I guess. In the states, I was a part of several groups, I was wanted in those circles because I was who I was but I feel here I’m alone. Just Bailey and I against the world. Social outcasts. I guess that’s how my life is meant to be. And that’s neither here nor there. I can’t change who I am and if I’m disliked for being me, then what can I say? Just makes me miss those amazing girls I love with all my heart on the other side of the Atlantic. I guess that’s why I love the horses so much. They just accept me for crazy old me. They never judge and ask only I’m kind to them and give them polos and treat them right. Guess the career I want won’t allow for a busy social life so late nights seeing to horses and dogs, cleaning up after clients will fill my time. I just want to be useful I guess if I can’t be accepted. I’m OK. don’t think I’m not. Like I said, little sad as I’m missing some people I don’t see often enough but tomorrow will bring something different to think about, I’m sure. Thanks for reading this little sad entry if you did. I’ll try and be more cheerful next time I write. Hugs, MJ

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