So super Sleepy and still got 45 mins before bed

I know, ridiculously long title for a blog/journal entry huh? But it’s true. Haven’t napped for the past 2 days which is great but sadly I’ve been exhausted by 8:30 onward. Ugh! I hate feeling tired but hopefully this is kick starting into a decent sleeping pattern again. So, Sunday night,, no was it saturday night, yes. saturday night I got an email from someone I’d never expected to get. after this person fucked me over for like the third time, lied to me bad enough to only find out they lied even more than I ever knew, who, despite everything they did, back in January I was like, if you want to be a friend, it’s all on you, I’m leaving the door open for you to talk things through and I was blatantly ignored. And why? Over a guy. It hurt, of course how this person treated me like a piece of shit and like I was nothing more than an annoying fly that wouldn’t leave them alone, but more because it simply felt they’d picked up the friendship I had thought we had and tossed it into the trash heap to be forgotten. That’s what hurt the most. But as always, I picked myself up and have recovered quite nicely. I’m wary of people and my trust issues with new friends is always going to be there now. I was shocked by the reconnection but weirdly enough feel nothing about it. I’m curious of this person’s motives despite them claiming they have none but then why after all this time? They’ve agreed to IM to talk but in all honesty, isn’t it 5 or 6 months a little too late? It’s not a question of forgiveness or even regaining a friendship because now I don’t even know if I ever really knew this person. A lot of my memories of them have been tainted with their actions, and it’s not something I can help feeling, what has happened has contributed to those feelings. They said about when to get on messenger but that’s another thing, I’m not always on messenger. I can’t say like I used to, I’m always on, because I’m not. And the truth is, I’m not even so sure I care enough anymore. Can I forgive them? Forgiveness is a complex thing. I mean, what they did to me was so not cool and I’ve been OK despite it, so why would I have that level of crap in my life again? How much can a person fuck up before we totally rid them from our lives? I’ll let them talk, I’ll listen over instant messenger to what they have to say but can I see a future with them in my life? I’m not so certain. Always thought this person wold be in my life before this all happened but they knew my feelings on lying, and knew how I was always about being real and still found it in them to do what they did. That’s not a good friend and I appreciate they admit that but when do we ever cut off the people who will never learn from our lives for good? Guess that’s a personal choice. Well, that crap aside. Heat’s been on again but it’s not been too unbearable. Cooled down a little today and had a great riding lesson but I’m sure you’ll read more in my Ride with no Eyes blog So I’ll check the time and hope I can take pup out and crash with my book. šŸ™‚ Take care guys, MJ

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