The New Year Has Begun

Well, Friday was by far one of my worst days of 2010 and that is saying something. lol. I felt let down by a lot of people but others came through like shining lights. I’ve decided, having had a semi-confrontation with someone I thought was a good friend, it’s now up to them. I’m tired of chasing people who don’t give a fuck or can only be assed with me when it suits them. That isn’t friendship. I’m moving forward and feel a lot stronger. Don’t get me wrong, I’m hurt and saddened by recent events but if people treat me so carelessly, for whatever reason, and don’t value my friendship as I value theirs, then there is not a damn thing I can do about it. This person has shocked me though. And I don’t quite understand the sudden turn around but if I’m honest, I saw this coming. Who knows what I did or didn’t do, what I am or am not to cause this but the choice lies with them. I’m tired of feeling things are my fault and so good luck to them, in whatever they choose to do, everyone who’s distanced themselves from me for whatever reasons this year, things change, even if they hurt there’s little we can do to stop them.

But regardless of the negative outcomes, I really have seen who is sticking by me and wants to be my friend and for that I’m thankful. Certain people have never wavered, others have come back even stronger as my friends and for that I am grateful. I know those who care about me and I love them all the more for it. Saying things isn’t enough, when your actions contradict your words, so for me, actions really speak louder.

On the first day of the new year, I went for a long walk with Bailey which felt great. I was still quite upset from the night before, Friday was seriously hell. Hormones raged and some people said things that normally would have flown over me while others said nothing which spoke volumes. Friday, I felt so alone but amazing how those who truly care show themselves in those dark moments. Thank you to those people, you all know who you are. 🙂 So me and the pup went for our very long walk. it was probably the longest Bailey has been on for a while, what with the snow and ice and my illness a few weeks back. So we blew off the cobwebs and then I came home and tackled my room beyond recognition. Seriously, I went for it. Three shopping bags of clothes and a bag of shoes, bags and belts were donated to the Asda charity collection thing. I was so brutal my wardrobe is only half full. But found clothes I forgot I had so its all good lol. Just need to start on the rest of my room but got a busy week so will have to wait until i get back.

Tomorrow, I have my first horse riding lesson of the year and the first one in weeks. Again, weather and illness and my guide dog speaker training have stopped me from going so I am truly looking forward to that. Just hope I can get involved with the riders for the disabled association. I really want to do something with this.

Then Thursday I’m off to London to do a presentation at the RNIB. Quite scary and nerve wracking and I’m not talking about the standing up and talking about Apple in front of people. I’ve been to London a few times but it has always been with sighted people. This time, it’s me and the pup and hopefully I’ll have a guide through to king’s cross where I’ll be heading off to see my good friend in Peterborough for a few days. Looking forward to it but not relishing the travelling but its got to be done. 🙂

When I get back, it’s head down to start working to get some speaker stuff done and organise a collection at the end of January. Not looking forward to that, the collection I mean. After that, who knows, taking things as they come at the minute as my brain needs a break from stress. lol.

Well, thought I’d write while I’m feeling more reflected and calmer and maybe just a little stronger. I’ll get through this, it’ll take time but soon my life will find a balance of career and social life with good friends who truly care no matter what and want to be around through it all. I hope lol.

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