New Year’s Poem, 2010

star light,
Star bright,
Dare I dream,
On this star tonight!
dreams so strong,
Heart so weak,
Mind lost way,
And no movement of feet.
Desolate in this moment,
Uncertainty raining down,
My future is controlled by all but me,
And my life keeps falling down.
Like a flower in the wind,
I get up and get knocked down again,
But how many times can a flower withstand,
The constant beating of the wind and its invisible hand,
punching the petals
And bending the leaves,
The flower begins to wither,
And in the moment of breeze,
It thinks it can finally stand tall
and hold its ground,
But back comes the wind again
To blow it down.

I touch a pile of sugar,
Carefully constructed with another’s hand,
And the pile moves violently,
And lands scattered on the ground,
That’s like everything I attempt,
No matter what it may be,
I’m a jinx to the task in hand,
A complete and utter travesty.

My heart aches with desertion,
Friends have turned their backs,
I weep for the loss and wonder
At the facts,
Was I the problem
Or were they solely to blame?
Did I cause them to hate me,
Or were they playing games?
Am I a toy to pick up,
At an idle’s child’s hand,
Or am i the shittest friend can be,
Who will do when there’s no one around?
Am I the consolation prize,
To one and all?
Am I the back up friend to
Entertain you when you’re bored?

I try to succeed,
Be so much more,
But each attempt ends in failure,
Or a slamming of a door.
To be successful,
In whatever job I choose to partake,
It seems almost like I’m never meant to
step into the work place.
My academic career is over
Yet again,
And for a third time in a row,
That was left to chance.
It seems nothing I try,
To further my life,
Will ever come into fruition,
Ever come to life.
It seems I’m destined to be stranded,
All alone in this glass cage,
Never meant to help others as I wish,
or step onto the world stage.

I’m in between the sighted
And have been divided from the blind,
So much has been missed,
So much could have been mine.
It seems as no one ever really cared,
And they assumed I’d always be OK,
But the truth is I’m lost again,
And no one will light the way.
My fears of the future are founded,
We all know this is true,
But what can I do while all alone,
With no prospects of getting through?
So I guess I’ll sit back,
And allow this new year to begin,
And I’m guessing I’ll still be here this time next year,
With no sight of this misery to end.

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