Speaker training, effing Transport and those things called friends

My moods have been so down recently, I’m sick and tired of myself. Part of it is clearly because I care about others too much who don’t really care much about me in return. The smartest thing to do would to cut these people from my life, I know that, yet I’m so pathetic that the slightest bit of attention from them makes me think they wanna be friends again. Loneliness is a tiring thing. I sometimes truly feel like there’s me and Bailey against the world. I know people have their own lives but I thought friends were meant to share theirs with each other.

Not everyone’s as open as me, that I udnerstand too, but hiding things from your friends, for whatever reason just tells me they aren’t truly my friend anymore. It’s sad. I’ve gone out of my way with some of these people, done far more than my own judgement has suggested I should, and yet again I get burned. It is truly like I’m stuck behind glass and watching everyone else’s life play out instead of living my own. You ever feel like others are living the life you should have got and you got stuck with the “non-life?” I’m an outcast and it even seems some of those who I thought to accept me, no longer want anything to do with me. I still have some great friends, but so far away regular friendship is out of the question. Yes, I want the sex in the city life, where me and a few girls go for coffee, or go out at night together, have girlie nights in discussing our lives but I guess I’m not good enough to have that kind of life. They say look at yourself before blaming others, OK, I get the picture. It’s all on me. I’m such a horrible person that no one can stand to be my friend or want to hang. Guess I should just learn to live with it but how do I contemplate a life of loneliness?

But for anyone who reads this, if you don’t want to be my friend, that’s cool, but just let me know so I can cross you off the Xmas card list.

Even though I am feeling pretty pooh and rather lost at the min in regard to work and stuff, I went to have speaker training this morning for Guide Dogs. This will enable me to go into schools, or groups of people and speak about guide Dogs, officially. It was a good morning and I’m glad I’ve done it. quite excited to start now. There was only one problem, the travelling.

Anyone who says public transport is a viable option clearly has never been blind folded and made to fend for themselves. I knew the bus would take longer, we were travelling during rush hour but when I got there I had a nasty surprise, we had not been dropped at the usual spot so then I had to locate a member of the public to help orientate myself again. By the time I’d done this, found my tram, I’d missed the train I’d needed to get by three minutes. Finally got to Atherton around 10:15 after setting off from my house at 7:30 and my journey wasn’t over yet. It then took from 1:30 to 4:20 to get home so by the time we got here, Bailey and I were pooped. So it has been a long day for both of us, now if the training had been longer and yet the travelling simpler, I wouldn’t have minded it but it was such a trek I’m not sure I’ll be doing that journey in a hurry. And note to bus drivers, please tell your blind passengers if you’re going to put them off at a random bus stop.

Well, 10 days until Xmas or there abouts, not looking forward to it, but think that’s my general mood about everything right now. Missing horse riding, so hoping to get back into that soon. and need to find some purpose again now uni’s done with.
Well I’ll quit complaining for now, thanks for listening if you indeed still are,
Hugs
MJ

Marie

I am 29 and feel like I have more blogs than I care to think about. That's where Life without sight has come into it. I finally have grown up and stepped into the hosting world. Lets see how this goes :)

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