Horses, feeling crappy and changes

So, I’ve been feeling pretty crap for the past week or so. First of all, some have been indicating that I shouldn’t be so optimistic about my horse riding for several reasons, weight, and visual impairment. For one, I’m not the world’s biggest person, su I’m no size eight [UK size} but I’m not humongous or anything. Horse riding was one reason I wanted to get fit and its also helping me keep fit. My visual impairment, I personally find that insulting. I’ve been told throughout my life I can’t do things as a result of my blindness but this has simply annoyed me. Hello, can anyone say para olympic equestrian riders? I told my instructor what had been said and was releived when she was as outraged as I was. I’m even considering joining the disabled riding association because quite honestly, with time and heaps of practice I know I can be good. I’m loving riding and it is something that with each week I’m getting better at.

Last Friday I was told the fee waver scheme that’s been helping me pay my tuition has been stopped for students living outside of the UK. At the time I was pretty OK but Monday night I fell apart. I’ve been made to feel inadequate, less than capable at tying my own freaking shoes and my own passions such as music and writing were even pulled into question. I’m having a terrible time with music at the moment so think going to concentrate on writing for now.

I also had a pretty incredible idea that I maybe should really concentrate on because if it can work it would be fantastic.

I went to see the HP movie on Saturday, which was bloody awesome. Stuff with friends has been going down recently but part of me knows that sometimes things come to an end, sometimes you work through it and whatever happens is OK. Growing apart from people is natural in life and trying to watch out for others and it coming across in completely the wrong way is something else altogether.

I recently decided that moving to the US is not going to happen for a long time. If at all. The level of access I have here in the UK far outweighs that of the US and I’m not ready to give up my independence just yet.

Not sure where life’s taking me, and not sure what I’m going to do now. But I will figure it out. I know I will. I also realised that people who are worth knowing are those who give you a word of encouragement at the right time in your hour of need and to all those who listened or offered a kind word, I appreciate it. Just goes to show who cares.

Well, a month to go until Christmas and I’m not particularly excited. we have no idea what’s happening, that stupid job of mums. but hey, got everyone nice presents so here’s hoping they’ll all have a nice time.

Well will update you all soon.
take care
MJ

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