Sleepless Thoughts in the Dark

So the past couple of weeks my sleeping patterns have been kind of chaotic. Nothing new there at all. Tonight, I was just dosing off and something kick started my brain. Will try and do the sleep thing again in a few, but things were flying through my head that I just have to get off of my chest.

Tomorrow is imminent, that’s obvious. However, tomorrow is also our big family fancy dress party for Halloween to raise money for Guide Dogs. I’m nervous. It’s been a hectic week but people have been very kind and now we just need the night to be filled with fun and lots of people and no mishaps. So fingers crossed.

Next thing, uni. Not sure what to do about that. Still don’t know where I stand with them and with this party been so busy haven’t managed to contact them yet. Need to seen as the forms are meant to be in by next Friday. Well, in this circumstance, que sera sera.

I got thinking about the past. And although I never regret as I see no point in it whatsoever, I began thinking if I’d made a few choices differently, how would my life be now? I guess we all have those moments and as I said, I see no point in regret, it’s a waste of energy, time, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change the things you’ve done. Sometimes, it’d be kinda interesting to see alternatives but I am so glad we can’t. The idea of knowing I’d truly messed up, no matter what my perception of some of the decisions I’ve made would be horrific to know for fact.

I know I’m lucky. I have some amazing people around me and I’ve been thinking a lot of what I have and trying to aim for a better life and doing our best is all we can achieve.

It was my grandma’s birthday yesterday, or what would have been and I have to say she’s still such an inspiration to me. She’s been guiding me in the past few years while I’ve been lost and I truly appreciate that.

Writing, riding horses, being around my friends, bettering my life, volunteering and still enjoying my fun hobbies like loving apple, music and just being a geek along with singing are still making my life worth living. I wish I could socialise more but hey, you can’t have everything. And I know one day my life will be more of what I want. Because let’s face it, life is not perfect. It never can be. And that’s fine. 🙂

My last bit of thing that’s weighing me down is the fact that despite me ordering iLife 11 last Saturday online from Apple, and them telling me it should be here this past Wednesday, it has still not made an appearance. To boot, Royal mail lost a package of mine today and one that was only found by a kind neighbour. So now I’m worrying that’s got lost. I really wanted to play with that cool new piece of software but sadly it seems I’ll be waiting an eternity for it to arrive. The most annoying thing is that I’m going to be in the city on Monday and could have just waited to buy it then instead of waiting around for Royal mail to lose my precious cargo. Booo to Royal Mail.

Last thing, kinda worried about my sister. We’ve reconciled a lot and actually are going shopping on Monday. I know, I know but I feel she needs strong women around her. He’ll always be the scum of the earth but she needs to realise that she is not and she can have better than that piece of shit in her life. I just hope she makes the right decisions for her and Kai. 🙂 Grandma watch over them for us 🙂

Anyway, I have a super busy day tomorrow so better attempt sleep. Will write soon, wish me luck. 🙂 hugs, MJ

Leave a Reply

Close Menu