I’m pretty sad at the min but I know that what’s gone down is for the best for both of us in the long term. It’s hard and it hurts and I know he didn’t mean it and is very sad himself right now but I’ve learnt from years of experience that you have to be totally honest with yourself about every decision you make.
I missed Aaron like crazy while I was in the US as he missed me. So we decided to get back together just before Xmas and started to plan for the future. I asked him if he wanted to live with me and he said yes but I knew deep down he didn’t want to leave Birmingham or his family behind. I got in touch with Action for the blind yesterday to start the ball rolling again and decided to give him the chance to back out. Deep down I knew he wanted to stay there and remain with his family and I take responsibility for even asking, I shouldn’t have. Originally we were going to share as friends but it is now evident I’m undertaking this journey alone.
Am I angry? No, I kind of already knew this. Am I hurt? Yes, I am. I wish he had told me this months ago. And I do feel kind of rejected. I know he said that he was willing to do this for “us” but that in my book is never a good enough reason. If you’re going to undertake such a huge decision and life changing one at that, you should be doing it for you. He wouldn’t have been happy enough here to live a life. I’m not sure what he wants from life and as sad as it is, he won’t be making the move with me. This is one journey I’ll be on humanly solo.
I love him very much and totally understand the saying “i love him enough to let him go.”. It’s unfair to have him do something that would make him unhappy. He obviously needs his family around him so much. and that is fine, everyone’s different. I lived without mine while I was in California and survived very well but some people just can’t. I understand that and although I’m disappointed its worked out like this, maybe it’ll be better for both of us in the long term. It hurts, I am sad but I have to concentrate on work and school now. I hope he’s happy and finds what he wants from life. He’s a great person and deserves all of the happiness in the world, I’m just sorry I wasn’t enough for him. 🙁
On other news. Bailey and I walked outside together for the first time in a week. He wasn’t harnessed but we decided to go for a walk with my mum to get out of the house.
Just listening to music and trying to be positive. Got to start on my second assignment soon. Probably will start tomorrow.
Anyway, just thought I’d update and needed to vent a little too. hugs MJ