2009! a reflection

Not sure how this year really began. I don’t even know what I wanted from 2009 looking back. All I know is it didn’t start off great and got very bad toward the middle part, and since August onward, things have looked much better. I hope this is a trend that will continue into 2010.

The highlights of this year have been.
1. Meeting the Game. even though I’ve lost a lot of respect for him musically within the past few months, that experience changed a lot of negativity that I had brought upon myself. It reminded me I had dreams and ambitions and that I wanted more from life than what I had. I wanted to be a successful individual and be happy, not trapped and living a life I was slowly becoming to resent and hate. I wanted to be a better person to my family, friends, Aaron and Bailey and so I ended a relationship that wasn’t working because I had cease to function anymore. I was shutting down and I needed some time out to do me and know where I was going and what I wanted from life.

2. A conversation with one of my adopted big sisters, Nitha. This was one of those occasions where you know something good has to come from it. She was helping me find courses online to do and like the angel she is, found one for me that I consequently applied for and am now undertaking. How that goes, only 2010 will tell.

3. California. This was a strange trip and not at all what I’d been expecting but in many ways was the best thing I could have done for myself. I had a lot of time to reflect and realize what I wanted. Aaron and I had been talking and being friends but I knew more was still there for him. After all, the relationship had ended because of me and what I was dealing with so that began the talks of getting back together. It’s not as clean cut as it sounds but all I will say is we don’t have to label or justify what is going on with our relationship to anyone but ourselves. We know the situation and we’re both happy with it and that is all that matters.

4. My nephew. I love him to bits but he has made me realize ultimately, having one of my own is a very unlikely prospect. I want more from life than being a mother to a child and being a Tia to Kai is enough for now. I’ll not say I’ll never had children but it’s unlikely.

None of these are in a particular order. I just thought I’d share some of the experiences that I feel changed me considerably in 2009. Times have been difficult, I’ve been difficult to be around but I know what I want from 2010 and I know where I want to be heading and what I want to be doing.

I want people to be honest with me, no matter what they believe the consequences may be. Being honest from the start will help me build trust in people again and lying will only break a friendship/relationship. I’m not taking shit in 2010 where that is concerned. I know when people are lying, just remember that.
I want to do well on the uni course and set up the manchester branch for fundraising with Hannah. To achieve that will be amazing. My volunteer work means a lot to me and succeeding at it means even more.
I would love to be a speaker for guide dogs.
Moving out is definitely on my agenda of things to do.

There’s probably a lot more but all I can say is 2009 has been productive for me both career wise and personally. And I just hope 2010 can continue to be a success for me in all areas of my life. I’m going to put the work in, that’s the only resolution I’ll make.

Goodbye 2009 and welcome to a hopefully successful and productive 2010. Good luck to everyone I love and RIP to all of those we lost this year. I hope the next decade is a huge success for everyone I love.
Happy new year for Midnight to everyone and I love all of you I cannot see.

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