I guess it was bound to happen. I spent so much time while I was in California getting excited about Christmas, which transpired when I got home and headed to the shops to buy everyone’s gifts, it was bound to happen sooner or later that something would crush my happy Merry Christmas spirit.
I love Christmas! Anyone who knows me knows I bounce around from the first of december until the moment I’m too full to bounce anymore on Christmas day. I love the build up, the songs, the cheer, the buying and yes, receiving gifts and cards and yet with no fail, something or someone manages to mess up my Christmas spirit. Usually that something is my parentals arguing over the festive season but thus far that hasn’t occurred.
I was truly looking forward to spending christmas with Aaron and his family but that mood was definitely dampened the past day or so. Yesterday with Aaron’s upset over a family dispute, which I could handle, families fight over Christmas and so I reassured him as best as I could that things would work out. But today, when he inadvertently told me how much the jewelry box cost him, I was gutted.
I was of course, raised to give and not receive but when someone outright tells you how much a gift costs, and you know exactly how much all of their gifts cost, it’s a slap in the face, no a punch in the stomach. I felt devastated when he told me that. I’ve been wanting a brand new jewelry box for ever, and I wasn’t even worried about it until he’d said it cost him what it did; because I have faith in his gifts. But I asked him where he got it from, just because i know if he’d got it from Argos or somewhere, the amount he paid would not have got a very nice jewelry box at all. You can call me ungrateful, a spoilt bitch but I had had my heart set on this jewelry box for ages. And then to discover the amount he’d spent on me was much less in comparison socked me in the stomach. Now I wish we’d set a limit of what we’d spend.
I know exactly how this will play out, he’ll get annoyed because of what I’ve spent, then Christmas day will just be tinged with a shadow of grumpiness. I may as well stay home to get that.
Man, I fucked myself over big time this Christmas. I asked my parents for money, which I was happy about but now I’m going to have hardly anything to open on Christmas day. I am still a big kid and yes, spoilt. My parents always ensured we had lots of gifts to open Christmas morning, even if they were small and menial. Now I’m just wanting to curl up on Christmas, ignore it and maybe get some study done with my puppy by my side.
another thing, he’s probably the only one to appreciate his gifts. No, that’s not true, my parents will. But I’m seriously contemplating staying home with my parents on Christmas. May as well be miserable in the comfort of my room. Just when I think something’s going well, it always blows up in my freaking face. Fuck, why didn’t we set a fucking limit for Xmas, and why the hell did I ask for so much money to go to California with. Not a fucking present to open now on Christmas, and yes I am aware I sound like a spoilt little bitch. I just want to cry. MJ